Team-Robot

WARNING! from Team Robot

2012-02-09T07:29:00.000-08:00

three pretty pictures and a burnout

2012-02-08T21:08:00.000-08:00

This is actually how Team Robot gets to races:

Trails

2012-02-07T14:50:00.000-08:00

are still cooler than you:

Mark Potoczny Deluxe Trail Video from Vinylbmx on Vimeo.

Making a good thing worse

2012-02-07T13:32:00.001-08:00

2001*:

Rockshox released Ti-Nitride coating for their Boxxer platform. After a season of testing on the NORBA and World Cup circuits, the coating is made available to the public in 2002. It was a huge improvement over the previous stanchion treatment, proving to be more slippery-er, leading to higher performance and more wins under the likes of Rockwell, Pascal, Minnaar, and other old dogs. However, the treatment was expensive and soft, making it extremely susceptible to scratches and ultimately impractical for the mass market. In 2003, Rockshox reverted to the old stanchion coating.

2004:

Rockshox develops "Slipper Silver" for their team athletes, notably Sam Hill and Bryn Atkinson of Ironhorse Madcatz. The product is made available on the 2005 Boxxer World Cup, but is plagued by super-fast wear. It is removed from the line up the following year, and team stanchions remain relatively standard for the 2006 and 2007 seasons**.

2008:

Fox also experiments with a silver stanchion coating, which is different from Rockshox formula. Like the Rockshox silver stanchion, the Fox treatment was extremely slippery, and also suffered from super fast wear patterns. Stanchions are replaced multiple times throughout the year. The stanchions are ridden to victory by Sam Blenkinsop in Schladming and by Gee Atherton at the World Championships in Val di Sole. The product was never made public, and was discontinued on team bikes after 2009.

P.S. terrible number plate job in the picture of Blenki.

2010:

Rockshox develops the DLC coating, which stands for something. Seriously, I have no idea what it stands for. Maybe "Dual le Coating," because I think it originated from SRAM's European HQ. That would make sense. Anyway, the coating is extremely slippery and notable for it's porous surface which allows semi-bath oil to actually soak into the surface of the stanchion. This led to an oil-slick like appearance, and lots of wins. Greg Minnaar wins some World Cups on the Blackbox coat, and Sam Hill comes back from injury to win the Championships in Mt. Sainte Anne aboard the rolling oil spill stanchions.

Between the two of them, Fox and Rockshox spent almost a decade experimenting with different stanchion coatings. The culmination of their competition is Kashima Coat, the slipperiest, most durable and most heat-resistant stanchion coating to date. Originally only available to the public as an aftermarket product, it was so popular that it is now OEM spec. It is now the standard against which all others are judged.

2012:
This steady progression came to a screeching halt when some genius in England thought he was the smartest person in the world. This random guy from pinkbike decided to take a brand new Kashima Fox 40, take off the stock stanchions, and get an old set of stanchions that he had laying around anodized black. Not a special, super durable or super slippery coating, mind you, we're talking generic ano, like the kind you find on a handlebar or set of cranks, "Cuz it looks totally awesome, bro."

Let's review:

Cons:
1. Looks like a Marzocchi
2. Shitty ano=faster stanchion wear
3. Faster stanchion wear=faster bushing wear
4. Faster bushing wear=time to replace bushings, which is impossible on a modern downhill fork, meaning...
5. These stanchions eat fork lowers. Good thing you've got those extra white ones laying around. Don't forget to pick up a couple extra sets of lowers at around $350 each. And that's after you've dropped "200 pounds" (whatever that means) on anodizing the stanchions black in the first place. That's right, this asshole spent money, a lot of it, to make his bike worse.

Pros:
(In honor of this idiot being from England, I'm going to try some British slang here)
1. You suck (real Americans don't know any British slang)

Way to go dude, you just got bumped down several spots on the kill list. Not because we don't hate you, just because we're confident that your common sense and intuition will make you long dead by the time the robot apocalypse begins. You'll probably accidentally remove yourself from the gene pool experimenting with other things, like creating a bath-tub specific toaster oven.

*the facts in this article are not authoritative. They are my best recollection from when I was 12 years old, based on no formal research except for reading MBA cover to cover before I knew the internet existed. If I missed anything or if you have issues with anything I said, post them in the comments, or better yet, kill yourself.

**That's right, I didn't mention Marzocchi's various stanchion coatings. Any company that tries to pass off this sort of product as a good idea or an innovation has unearned their right to be mentioned in this discussion of actual mountain bike technology.

Metal Monday

2012-02-06T22:20:00.001-08:00

The other day Bob asked me "which is better, Four Horseman by Metallica or Mechanix by Metallica-spinoff-band Megadeth?"

Really? Seriously, is there any question here? That's like asking "what's better, authentic Mexican food or a Jack n' the Box ass-taco with a side of extra grease?"

Metallica:

Megadeth:

Metallica:

Megadeth:

Metallica:

Megadeth:

And in case you were still on the fence:

THE DO NOT KILL LIST: Mike Hall

2012-02-03T11:54:00.000-08:00

Mike works at the shop with me. He's the associate/co/quasi manager, which translates to him clearly not giving a shit about anything. Mike works 25 hours a week in a position with little to no real responsibilities so that he can ride a ton, and doesn't care about "advancement" or "getting ahead" at work or any of that. He motivates me to work less and less, and encourages things like sitting, avoiding customers, and cutting corners. Basically, Mike is the man, and he is the opposite of Paul Lacava.

Mike mainly rides road and races cross, but he is starting to ride mountain bikes, and unfortunately he got a smoking deal on a carbon 29er hardtail, so that's working against him. Don't worry, I religiously give him shit about his 29er everytime we talk about bikes, so he'll sort that out and get a real bike sooner or later. His bike came with Stan's ZTR rims on random Formula OEM hubs, so he got his first adventure in wheel building by swapping the hubs over to some FSA hubs we had sitting around. It took him like 4 hours to build the front wheel because he laced it wrong over and over again, and then even after he got it done, hilarity ensued. This is why pussies quit biking really soon, and why real winners like Mike win at life:

"Got my new hubs swapped over. I'm not a wheel builder. That freakin took me forever...you'll love this!!! When I got home last night I was testing them out. I was in the neighbors driveway and the rear tire blew right off the rim. It was so loud it was ridiculous. I could hear nearby neighbors coming out of their homes to see what the fuck just happened. As I carried my bike to my garage (ears ringing) I barely noticed our house alarm was going off. Explosion must've shook the windows and set off the house alarm which I had not disarmed yet cuz I was so stoked to check out my bike. Furthermore I and everything around me was covered in Stan's No Tube Sealant. The only thing left to do after that was laugh my fucking ass off. I checked the front wheel tire pressure after that and my digital gauge read 62.5psi. Note to self... floor pump in shop at work does not have an accurate pressure gauge.

Anyway...surprisingly the tire bead was A OK and so was I..no injuries although the left inside part of my left leg was stinging quite a bit from the tire slapping against it when it blew off. I also think the rear wheel is completely out of true from the immense pressure during explosion. Seriously Shane, that thing was so loud it scared the shit out of me. I thought somebody had set off a M80 or stick a dynamite right behind me."

Snoqualmie, Washington, USA, America World Cup

2012-02-02T10:01:00.000-08:00

Headliners: 1998 UCI World Cup, Snoqualmie Pass - More Mountain Bike Videos

Steve Peat on his way to his first big W at Snoqualmie. From the UCI press release:

"So steep and treacherous was the chute that fans actually came out to watch Saturday’s practice. What few pros that could actually ride fast through here had their speed measured by the volume of the cheers, and Peat received some of the loudest. After flitting cleanly through the trees and power-pedalling the flat sections below, Peat went on to capture his best finish yet. After placing second on two of the toughest courses of all: Panticosa '96 and Mont-Ste-Anne last season, this fearless rider finally got what he had been waiting for.

"It’s rad," he said after his victory - his time of 3:55 had stood solid while Nicolas Vouilloz (FRA, Sunn-Un), Cédric Gracia (FRA, Sunn-Un) and top-qualifier Shaums March (USA, Zzyzx/Ellsworth) completed their runs. With the win in the bag, Peat breathed a big sigh of relief and said: "It’s been a long time coming but today I nailed it and I’m stoked to win... I like this course a lot and have been good in training all week. I knew I could do it today so I went for it, and it happened."

While most of the top qualifiers could have been named straight off the top of the UCI Rankings list, one Shaums March (ranked 59th in the world) surprised everybody by gaining the fastest qualification time with a ride that literally wowed the crowd in the trees. Peat himself would have been impressed by the way March hared down the Junior Wall. Unfortunately, come the final run, two crashes destroyed his rear wheel and March was forced to, er, walk stridently to the finish.

Vouilloz - round one’s winner - has been slowed down since injuring his hand in Big Bear training but today he was still fast enough for second place on a course where, as the world's top technical rider, he would dearly loved to have won. "I knew that to win I’d have to ride very well with no mistakes," he said. “Now I’m happy to go home and recover.”

David Vazquez (ESP, Volvo-Cannondale) and Gracia were 3rd and 4th, respectively. Vazquez, last round’s winner, beat out Gracia, round two’s winner, by 3.4 seconds. One-tenth of a second later was round three’s winner Christian Taillefer (FRA, Peugeot Palaiseau) who announced that he had dreamt he would take fifth here today.

In an unprecedented turn of statistics, all of the top five men today have won a world cup round this season. If that is not a measure of the course's quality, then what is?

"Wicked" is the most appropriate term to describe this new Grundig/UCI World Cup downhill course. The harrowing descent at Snoqualmie is located on the foothills of the Wenatchee mountains close to Seattle, Washington state, in north western USA. Although short in length at 3.05km, the combination of extraordinarily steep tree sections combined with currently muddy conditions makes this a formidable "pro-only" challenge.

With a vertical drop of 335.3m, the course begins at the top of a ski lift at Snoqualmie Pass ski resort. The second section is an unbelievably technical tree section, featuring a 7-foot (2.1 metre) vertical drop called the "Junior Wall". This precarious drop is so named as to give an indicator of what is to come. The track continues to descend through the trees on what feels like an unrelenting elevator chute straight down - steeper than anything seen on any course, anywhere else on the Grundig/UCI World Cup circuit so far. Metre for metre, this has to be the most challenging course yet devised for World Cup racing.."

Results: http://62.50.72.82/english/mtb/world_cup/1998/dh5_98/dh5_98_4.htm

Some familiar names

NW locals who raced there:

Bart McDaniel, who's still way faster than you:

Hood River's own Jason Sigfrid, 2005 Masters World Champion, who's probably still way faster than you:

Luciano Worl was in attendance, and I think he raced junior XC? He was eight years old in 1998, and he was still way faster than you are now. Here's a more recent photo of Looch at the 2010 Maribor World Cup:

Right now Looch is training tirelessly to fly fighter jets for the Navy:

Blatant repost

2012-02-02T09:53:00.000-08:00

METAL monday a little late.

2012-02-01T23:01:00.000-08:00

this better late then never metal monday is the first of a series of guest metal mondays that team robot will provide for your stupid human ears listen then go kill yourselves.

send your pleas to BEN friend of team robot and enemy of your mom.

-pfunk

Near the top of the kill list.

2012-01-30T16:56:00.000-08:00

there is definitely a hierarchy to the "Kill List" but it is complex and only understood by robots so in an effort to shed a little light on the subject here are a couple examples of the upper echelon of the "Kill List"

these guys are so close to the top of the "Kill List"

its amazing.

TEAM ROBOT salutes

2012-01-30T14:28:00.000-08:00

1. Team Ironhorse Madcatz, circa '03-'05:

More Mountain Biking Videos

"We used to have role models."

-Robert Stenson

2. These guys:

3. Tex Diesel and crew. If all of Eugene is flooded out, might as well get the winch and go wakeboarding.

Editor's note: Team Robot does not salute the sport of wakeboarding, or wakeboarders in general. Wakeboarders are typically bro'd out assholes, it's obviously not a real sport, and, perhaps most troubling, wakeboarders pull way hotter chicks than I do. TEAM ROBOT is only saluting Tex and crews' wanton disregard for the flood and its negative, destructive impact on Eugene and everyone in it.

Just to clarify:

Wakeboarders? Not TEAM ROBOT approved.

Ignoring the human cost of natural disasters to go have fun? TEAM ROBOT approved.

Your team

2012-01-30T11:31:00.000-08:00

Marketing strategies

2012-01-25T23:04:00.000-08:00

Pepsi marketing strategy: see what Coca-Cola is doing

Sram marketing strategy: see what Shimano is doing

Clutch rear derailleur:

http://www.vitalmtb.com/product/feature/SRAM-Leaks-A-New-Rear-Derailleur-Design,104

Four piston brakes:

http://www.vitalmtb.com/product/feature/SRAMs-New-Four-Piston-Brakes,105

Kill list

2012-01-25T14:55:00.001-08:00

Zimmerman said...
There's no need to kill that guy, he's already dead inside.

Clay Porter? Is that you?

2012-01-24T20:59:00.000-08:00

Man, I didn't even recognize this old video of yours, Clay! You filmed so different back then. After all, where are the heli cams and dollies and time lapses and zip lines and super zooms and interviews and interviews and interviews and narrating? Okay, to be fair I did have a hunch it was you when I heard the uncomfortable screechy chick wannabe neo-punk music:

Video Vault: Mount Snow, Vermont 2004 from Synopsis - More Mountain Bike Videos

I was sure someone else must have filmed this, because it's just 3 minutes of straight racing, on American soil, uninterrupted by dramatic cuts or slow mo. Hey, to be fair I guess I looked pretty different eight years ago, too:

It's a bummer to think I was still doing curb-height barspins while Kircaldie was at his peak winning practices at Norbas and World Cups.

Legend of Lacava

2012-01-24T12:46:00.000-08:00

We're beginning a new series here at Team Robot called "Legend of Lacava." Do you have one of those friends that always talks about "lactic thresholds" or "how fit I am right now" or who waxes poetically about the "symphony of pain" that he experiences when he's climbing? Do you have a friend that rides for 30 minutes and puts a full page write-up on facebook? I have that friend, and his name is Paul.

Paul takes the monotony of everyday events and makes it sound like he helped put another man on the moon. What you call riding to work he calls "peak endurance anaerobic baseline conditioning." What you call good dirt he calls "tacky bad ass epic rad loam ready to get shredical." For years we've been basking in the glow of his enlightening meditations. Now you too can enjoy his pearls of wisdom.

Photo is courtesy of Darrin Seeds, who is way better at photoshop and most other things than me. Today's quotes come from Paul's lesser-known surfing side:

"The gift of surfing is a mixed one. It'll wear you down, destroy all your free time, humble you, make you swear, make you hate it, punish you badly, turn you into a meteorologist, and then once and a while give you the best sensation I know of that makes it all worth it."

"Suffering massive Santa Cruz withdrawal. Fortunately the Oregon swell is looking prime tomorrow. Dawn patrol!"

"I have a love affair with the California coastline!"

Team Robot Allies

2012-01-23T18:49:00.001-08:00

Friend of Team Robot: The Machines

James Cameron or youtube or whoever produced Terminator 2 didn't want anyone to ever embed any Terminator clip ever. I know this, because I looked at about 20 of them, and embedding was disabled on all of them. So just tough it out and follow this link, you won't be disappointed, except when some of the brave terminators get destroyed by the savage humans. Don't worry though, most of the dying happens to the humans:

Ben Tobin photograph

Enemy of Team Robot: Fontana

3 reasons to fight SOPA

2012-01-20T21:01:00.000-08:00

If we all work together we can overcome this unthinkable injustice.

By the way that Bloodbath drift video below is easily 500 times better than I thought it would be. Seriously, watch it.

bloodbath.

2012-01-20T09:15:00.000-08:00

drifting is sick in almost any form.

Power of Grayskull/Skeletor/World Cup

2012-01-20T08:05:00.000-08:00

A quick aside: how can you get worse at building race tracks? Really? This was 10 years ago, and it is perfect.

Video Vault: 2001 UCI World Cup, Durango Colorado - More Mountain Bike Videos

Adventures on Pinkbike

2012-01-19T21:13:00.000-08:00

These Oakley Crowbars are currently listed for sale on Pinkbike on the Team Robot account. The following is an brief item description and two real questions from a pinkbike user named dhnewboy:

Oakley Crowbar, Matte Black/Grey fade/clear

Used a few times, in like new condition. Brand new lens, an $8 value. Comes with goggle bag and a five pack of tearoffs.

DHNEWBOY: "very nice, i like. what are tearoffs for?"

TEAM-ROBOT: "It's an eye drop that prevents tears. Even with goggles on a lot of people experience tearing of the eyes at higher speed, so tearoffs help with that."

DHNEWBOY: "very interesting. and are they clear lenses?"

TEAM-ROBOT: (speechless)

In other goggle related news, those oakleys aren't really for sale anymore, the lens isn't new, and I pulled all five tearoffs. Last weekend I used the last of those five doing my first ever midair tearoff. To you, that's just a one-hander where you swing for your face. To me it was a big deal. Brad even made me walk back and pick it up when I finished my run. A right of passage, if you will.

If you're sitting there wondering who Brad is, there's only three things you need to know:

1. Brad is faster than you

2. You suck

3. Chuck Norris is alive because Brad allows him to go on living.

The ugliest bikes ever

2012-01-19T16:00:00.000-08:00

I know this is a highly contested category, and I know that the title gets tossed around a lot year to year, but today we at TEAM ROBOT are proud to bring you the all time title holder, Mountain Cycle.

We present to you the ugliest bikes of all time:

Another great detail: the downhill bike requires a proprietary 35mm bottom bracket, and the size large DH bike has a 42.8" wheelbase. SOLD!

But don't believe me. Listen and watch as Gerard walks you through some of the details of this bike, and as he awkwardly caresses and strokes:

Mountain Cycle Shockwave 2 Intro on pinkbike.com

And these are just their new bikes, not to say anything about where they came from:

But, my first ever downhill bike was a Mountain Cycle Shockwave 9.5, and I loved that thing to death. I didn't ride it to death, because as ugly as it was, and as weird as the geometry was, that bike was basically invincible. Bender proof. My bike wasn't just clapped after a season of use. When I built the frame up, it was pre-clapped. The frame was new, but all the other parts were haggard, borrowed, or found in dumpsters.

Here's a picture of me keepin it real back on the Mountain Cycle in '06 at Willamette Pass (won that race, btw). I was stoked to get that fork, but then I slowly came to the realization that it didn't like to move up or down- not a good quality for a race fork. At this point I still had a Progressive 5th Element, which was actually worse than just bolting on a straight spring. Also, major style points for the Giro helmet, exposed man thigh and excellent riding position. What are Five Tens?

And in '07 at Skibowl (won it also). By now I'd moved up to a 888 and a Fox DHX 5.0, which was world better. Nonetheless, what's compression damping?

The Mountain Cycle today, still in operation somewhere in Idaho:

67 degree head angle
15.75" bb height
17.5" chainstay (that grows... A LOT)
5 inch tall standard headtube
22.3" toptube on the size large
Totally dialed

-Chaz

your team

2012-01-19T15:33:00.000-08:00

NW Cup schedule is up

2012-01-17T22:09:00.000-08:00

http://nwcup.com/

100101010111010101000

2012-01-17T11:31:00.000-08:00

1000100111010010100010
0010110101011001010100
1101010100010101001001

//[End Transmission]://

METAL MONDAY!!

2012-01-16T12:40:00.000-08:00

WYNNER

2012-01-16T12:37:00.001-08:00

Who I'm not cheering for tonight

2012-01-14T13:24:00.001-08:00

MTV Cribs James Stewart on pinkbike.com

The overdog.

The Kill List

2012-01-13T23:05:00.001-08:00

#468: slack liners

#5739: people who do bike polo

Pretty obvious, but we want to make sure everyone's on the same page here.

WARNING!!

2012-01-13T08:48:00.000-08:00

Team Robot is coming for you.

pfunk

Vote and Die

2012-01-11T14:43:00.000-08:00

http://www.vitalmtb.com/features/Vital-MTB-Weekly-Photo-Comp,277

Go to Vital and vote for TEAM ROBOT DO NOT KILL LIST member Billy Lewis. Make sure Billy and his cranked actual table don't lose to someone who took a picture of a frog jumping as a puddle gets splashed.

Your team

2012-01-11T13:08:00.000-08:00

The more you know!

2012-01-08T23:21:00.000-08:00

Here's the game:

See if you can guess which one is the real Maxxis Minion. But waaaaatch OUT! You'll have to navigate through two shameful, money seeking knockoffs to find the real one! Click the link to see if you've found the real Minion!

Is this a real Minion?

Is this a real Minion?

Is this a real Minion?

If you have any other Minion Knockoffs, post them in the comments below.

Today's game brought to you by Colin Bailey:

Robots don't say please

2012-01-08T22:46:00.001-08:00

X-Fusion Signs Multi-Time World Champ BLopes

2012-01-06T22:44:00.000-08:00

"There were a lot of athletes looking to ride X-Fusion for 2012, but we decided to work with Brian because he offers more than just a marketing face for the brand, he offers an entire marketing upper body. Most of the other riders we talked with talked to us with their shirts on, and being so covered up we felt like we just weren't getting as much of them as we'd like. With Brian's chest and insecurity on display 24/7, we feel like he is presenting as much of himself and our brand image as is legal in most counties.

We've already benefitted from his testing expertise and since he is riding everything from cross-country trails that he didn't build to downhill trails that he didn't build to pump tracks that he didn't build to dirt jumps that he didn't build, he can positively affect our entire product line. Since signing Brain last week we've already started sending all our forks out with sunglasses, and using one of Brian's pro tuning tricks from Marzocchi we pour an extra 2 quarts of oil into all our forks now. Because he rode Marzocchi's for like 10 years or something we trust that he really knows suspension." - John Hauer, X-Fusion Marketing Manager

Direct your underpowered human vision orbs to the upper starboard side of your screen and check out our new TEAM ROBOT poll. That's right, robots use nautical directions.

why so serious?

2012-01-06T14:58:00.000-08:00

Bike movies keep getting more and more serious and more and more epic. I think it's a contest between filmers to show how little emotion they can put into bike riding. IT'S JUST SO SERIOUS. At this rate it's only a matter of time before this song shows up in a bike movie:

Because there is no smiling in MTB.

Team Robot 2012 team kits, shamelessly stolen from Bobby Stenson:

ZOMBIE SLINGSHOT?!

2012-01-05T11:32:00.000-08:00

this guy rules, on all levels, his obsession with deadly slingshots and zombie apocalypse survival are a close second to his completely stereotypical little gay German voice. thanks to Jason for the link.

I feel like this would work really good on the empty skulls of poachers, not just zombies.
-Pfunk

Team Robot

2012-01-01T18:50:00.000-08:00

NEW YEAR SAME SHIT

2011-12-31T23:52:00.000-08:00

HAPPY NEW YEARS from TeamRobot .... enjoy it, it will be your last!

The BROst office jumps

2011-12-30T22:18:00.000-08:00

If I hear one more person tell me that "the Post Office jumps are like way hella gnarly and they're the biggest steepest gnarliest jumps ever" I will accelerate their death.

They are steep. Congratulations. I'm mailing out your medal tomorrow, it should be down there early next week. Congratulations, mountain biking has one set of steep jumps in the whole world.

Yes, it's cool that they are dug by mountain bikers. Yes they look like fun to ride. Yes, you are good at riding your bikes. But, if you have everyone in the world come dig there and you have access to machinery, guess what? No, I'm not blown away by your "core" scene. This just in, you've had the same six hips for five years. Oh, you stacked them slightly taller and steeper every year? Great. Again, your medal is in the mail.

Besides, if you've had the same played out hips at your trails for five years and you've only made slight changes and made them slightly taller, but you still take tons of photographs and video of them and expect people to be excited about your minimal progress, you're not the first person to do that. There's already a blog about a set of jumps just like that.

Your jumps are not the biggest or scariest jumps ever. Consult the above picture of the post office. Then find me an angle where the jump pictured below looks mellow:

As for the biggest ever, you have 12 jumps on a small tract of land on a slight incline with a roll-in of finite height. That finite height is roughly nine feet tall. BREAKING NEWS: your nine foot roll in is going to be a limiting factor in your candidacy for the SICKEST JUMPS EVER award.

And another thing. Brandon Semenuk's cork 7's at ham and steeze were sick. So was Mike Montgomery's stupid huge huck transfer to almost flat. Actually your jumps look like a lot of fun. That said, if I see another winter time edit of random people "flowing" through the post office at sunset getting "steezy" and showing what the "no dig no ride" scene is all about at "the office" I will do exactly the same thing I always do: not watch. Consider yourself warned.

To all the bro'd out locals at the post office that think they're the only people in the entire world who have ever built a jump: You're from California. You suck.

To all the bike tourists who come back from the post office and tell me how amazing they are: You may or may not be from California. You suck.

To anyone still doing whatever this trick is called: If you're not from California you probably wish you were. You suck.

Paul if you don't hit them while you're in Santa Cruz you suck.

Trail rules

2011-12-30T17:25:00.000-08:00

classic pinkbike: "Probably a noob question, but why are there bmx only spots?"

Riding someone else's trail spot is a sacred privilege. You must ask permission. Plan on being told no, or just having the digger pretend like he has no idea what you're talking about. Do not bring firends. Do not bring cameras. Don't mention it to your friends or family. Do not post about your "sick sesh" on facebook. Do not blog about them. Never tell anyone where they are, and lie about what city and state they're in. You do not skid. You do not case. If you have to hurt yourself to avoid skidding, don't skid. Before you even think about riding, water everything. If you have to walk two miles to get water, walk two miles to get water. Never walk on lips. Never walk on landings. Don't speak to the trail builders or their friends until spoken to. Probably don't even make eye contact. Apologize for everything all the time, and ask what you can work on while they ride. Plan on spending at least an hour not talking and shoveling some other project while the builders and their friends ride, drink, don't help you, and generally enjoy themselves. It's about respect; they deserve yours, and you deserve none. They build with dirt, and you are less than dirt. You are nothing. Maybe if you come and help dig and show up for every dig session for two years they'll address you as a peer. Probably not. If you break these rules you will be yelled at, made fun of, shunned, banished, shot, stabbed, buried alive, or have your tires slit.

The reason BMXers hate mountain bikers is because mountain bikers do not understand these simple, obvious truths.

The second time we went to Fontana

2011-12-28T16:44:00.001-08:00

I can't tell if Patrick is not impressed by Rennie's tire choice or if he's just pissed that we drove to Fontana a second time. Here's a quick breakdown of the fontana course:

The do not kill list

2011-12-28T12:21:00.000-08:00

Team Robot will continue to run Shimano parts for 2012, and for that and not sucking Shimano earns their place on the TEAM ROBOT DO NOT KILL LIST.

FACT: Shimano doesn't just buy CNC's and machine tools. When they need to make cranks or hubs or whatever in a new way that no industrial manufacturer has done, they build their own robots. Shimano and Team Robot: building robots to crush your shitty team since a long time ago.

Verg from Shimano Multi-Service/Eddy Merkin/Ulysses S. Grant showed me the mean jeans last night. Party band from Portland. All they sing about is partying. Team Robot says party on.

Also Verg's buddy Metal Mike from Montana showed me Death for the first time. Hit the snowflake button on the youtube video, it's a nice heart warming addition to Death's classic "Zombie Ritual."

Bob asked me if people can lose their place on the DO NOT KILL list. Robots are not slaves to any agreements with humans. We enforce the do not kill list at our leisure. Cory Tepper, you're back in the kill pile for listening to lil wayne.

Nice try but robots have 3 inch thick steel armor, Cory. The only good that shotgun will do is to help you scoop your brains out of your skull before the metal robot claws can do it for you.

The most exciting person in the world

2011-12-28T12:10:00.001-08:00

NO REALLY THIS VIDEO IS THE MOST EXCITING INTERVIEW YOU'LL SEE ALL YEAR. HOLY SHIT.

Greg Minnaar, definitely on the kill list.

BrettTippie.com

2011-12-27T19:50:00.000-08:00

No for real.

Pinkbike.

2011-12-27T19:39:00.001-08:00

People on Pinkbike suck.
Alex aka Team Krunkshox does not suck.

"Yo p funk,

Some clown on pinkbike sent me this and I was so blown away by his lack of common sense that I needed to have a laugh.

-Alex"

FROM HIM:
Whats up with the shock? $100/ Why? I work at a shop in NYC and rebuild front and rear suspension on a regular basis. Please tell me what needs to be done with the O2-RCX. How many rides and drops did it see? Do you have the bottom mounting hardware. I am friends with a couple of those X-fusion guys, so I will send the shock out if needed. Yes, I am interested. Thank you.

MY REPLY TO HIM:

Dear Friend,
The shock, my 02-RCX, is an inadimate object this makes it tough to know exactly whats up with the shock. The shock is $100 because it is priced to sell. I cant imagine how much fun it is to live in NYC and to be able to rebuild both front and rear suspension--lucky!
To answer your question, "what needs to be done to the 02-RCX" I would say whatever you like.
Though the shock has eyelets it does not have eyes. Therefore, im not certain how to answer your question "how many rides and drops did it see". FYI my manual dexterity is superb, as must be yours since you rebuild front and rear suspension on a regular basis, I have never lost a hold of the shock--resulting in me dropping it.
I do not have the bottom mounting hardware. In all likelihood you would not want said hardware because it mit not fit your frame--I work for NASA and we make our own bikes.
I think it is cool that you are friends with those X-fusion guys. Are we friends? The reason I ask is I went ahead and used "Hello Friend" as the salutation. If this greeting is too informal for Pinkbike I apologize my friend.

Your friend,

Blackmambadhbadboy

Alex.

In response.....

2011-12-21T00:30:00.000-08:00

In response to the post below,
"the only thing the humans should be digging is mass graves for themselves"
-Pfunk

A reminder from your robot overlords

2011-12-20T19:34:00.000-08:00

and you might be spared.

Sam Hill = Metallica

2011-12-20T19:10:00.000-08:00

Metallica in a sentence: Their old stuff was the best ever, and now they suck.

San Hill in a sentence: His old riding was the best ever, and now he sucks.

No, I don't mean his riding sucks now, I mean he sucks. I was looking for a photo of his gold chain/green Monster Energy mohawk combo from Champery Worlds to make my point, but my search stopped when I found this gem:

That pretty much sums it up. Maybe he always wanted to be a tatted up, monster logo'd juggalo wannabe. Maybe he always wanted to dress like a high school dropout on unemployment with 3 kids, but he couldn't afford to back in his early pro days. Who knows?

What I know is this:

The new Sam Hill is as dead to me as these guys:

The old Sam Hill is as immortal as these guys:

Can you earn your way back onto the kill list? Yes.

You suck at digging

2011-12-20T17:16:00.000-08:00

Your pitiful human bodies are inferior for the task of moving dirt.

This new pumptrack berm took one day to build. And by one day, I mean we didn't get started until about 2:30 pm and it gets dark at, like, noon. That means we built it in negative two and a half hours. So basically you suck.

The other reason you suck is because you like pumptracks. You probably think pumptracks are the new thing because they're all over the internet and Decline and everybody talks about them. You probably got excited when you read that I was building one.

Pumptracks are the lowest version of dirt moving. If you are too lazy to build a real trail, and too much of a pussy to build a set of jumps, you build a pumptrack. Mark Wier invented pumptracks, like he invented super-D, because he couldn't win XC or downhill. That's a scientific fact, I read it on the internet. Because you suck at all three of these activities, you probably also get stoked about pumptracks. Plus, they're great for "skill building." You know what else is great for skill building? Ride your bike up the tallest hill or mountain available, then ride back down it. Repeat as necessary.

Alternatively, you could build a pumptrack. When it's done, you and your non-existent friends will ride around in circles for about two weeks before you realize that:

A) you suck at building pumptracks
B) robots
C) you're tired of going around in circles like an idiot. Going in endless circles for hours can be fun when you're driving 800 horsepower V8 death machines, swapping paint with a bunch of rednecks at 200 mph. When you're alone on your bike, not as much.

Ultimately, pumptracks are not that sweet. My goal is to prove this. I am going to build a pumptrack way cooler than yours to prove that even a robot-engineered punmptrack is not half as fun as a puny, human-built set of jumps.

jumps > pumptracks

The original pumptrack:

NEW RIDES FOR 2012 ?!

2011-12-19T11:52:00.000-08:00

Big things are happening behind the scenes here at TEAM-ROBOT world headquarters.
NEW RIDES!! we can't say anything official yet, but scroll down for some spy shots of whats in the works.

here is a spy shot of Pfunk taking his new ride out for a couple of test runs at the TEAM-ROBOT global training center

DON'T FORGET.

2011-12-19T00:38:00.000-08:00

yes that is a bald eagle head on a robot with a machine gun.
you are on the kill list.

MORE METAL MONDAY!!

2011-12-19T00:15:00.000-08:00

from the desk of slayer.

2011-12-18T23:33:00.000-08:00

METAL MONDAY!!

2011-12-18T23:17:00.000-08:00

frameborder="0" allowfullscreen>

PICTURES ! PICTURES!

2011-12-17T16:01:00.000-08:00

More eddy merkin gold.

2011-12-17T15:35:00.000-08:00

this time thanks to Kyle Von.
watch this one.

and this one too

eddy merkin

thank you VERG!

2011-12-15T19:27:00.000-08:00

our human fans are making rap videos for us in a sad attempt to plead for their sorry little human lives.
Note:team robot only listens to metal.

Compliment sandwich

2011-12-14T13:13:00.000-08:00

Two bits of good news, one bit of bad news.

But in the good news department, Bob also just got his new Deity Crpytkeeper, so as we say at Team Robot, the dick is dialed.

And just for good measure, here's my favorite Bobby Stenson family portrait from 93, when he was still living in Reno:

The legend of Bob lives on.

WYN for the win...... next year.

2011-12-14T10:16:00.001-08:00

More Mountain Biking Videos

If robots had hearts then we would probably love this guy, he shreds, and he isn't a total boner like a lot of guys with that much talent.
its pretty sweet that he is back from injury, the season coverage was seriously lacking enough of his stupid interviews and super sketchy race runs.
Not sure if he is still on the MS EVIL team he is definetly riding a yeti but evil doesn't have a trail bike so that doesn't help, really hope he has a ride for next season.
DH1 and the UCI need this guy.
pfunk

Gnarly

2011-12-13T23:03:00.000-08:00

Drew Bezanson from Justen Soule on Vimeo.

I submit for your viewing: Drew Bezanson. If you saw any one of these clips going down in person, your head would explode. Make sure to watch until the banger at the end, and then enjoy watching everyone in the room have their brains melt out their ears on camera.

Sure, there are a bunch of mind-numbingly complex tailwhip/barspin/footjam maneuvers, but the guy just plain goes HUGE. He's topping out his gearing indoors, and he's ducking to avoid hitting his head on the twenty foot ceilings.

GNARLY. Squared. Times ten.

Two people going fast

2011-12-11T15:21:00.000-08:00

Thanks Scott Tucker:

Thanks Killian, aka Thrillian, aka the Thrill, aka Patrick's brother, Funk:

Mission: procrastinate
Status: mission accomplished

Things you don't find in Clay Porter Movies:

2011-12-08T21:06:00.000-08:00

Here's a transcript of a conversation me and Bobby Stenson had tonight:

hypnosis and synopsis were sick as shit
BUT
BUT
BUT

they don't involve the following:
1. steve peat riding moto without a helmet
2. steve peat riding a moto with a cast on his foot
3. steve peat smoking a cigar drinking beer watching people ride minibikes at his event

(gave up on numbering the list here) Steve Peat with a mustache and the word c*** on his broken finger, drunk

its a bit of a c***!!!
but i don't care
i'll come back next weekend and kick all your asses!

Steve Peat punching himself in his potentially mortally wounded gut hemotoma, drunk
Steve peat shooting fireworks, riding mini bikes kicking hay
steve peat throwing up in a hotel bathroom sink
steve peat playing in a hotel room (Editor's note: I don't know what Bobby meant by this, but it sounds mildly sexual)
steve peat throwing a naked bryceland

Why America rules

2011-12-08T19:58:00.000-08:00

I think this picture of Robin Wallner at this year's Val di Sole round of the World Cup explains a lot. They say a picture is worth a thousand words. I agree.

Data point #1: So here's the thing: Old Rob here is way out of control. He definitely didn't intend to find himself in this position. Sure, he's committed, and he might even ride this one out, but it sure looks like his shoulder is headed towards that tree, and who knows when his back tire's gonna hook up again.

Data point #2: Sweden is one of the most socialist countries in the World. Robin Wallner is from Sweden. Robin is also running Schwalbe tires, which were made by godless socialists in Germany. His godless, socialist tires aren't hooking up too well, are they?

Data point #3: This root ball is the site of the huge gnarly mid-track root gap at Val di Sole. Instead of being a pussy, Aaron Gwin gapped it, with an American flag on his back, and won his fifth World Cup of the season. Aaron was winning on a set of Maxxis tires, which were made where all good American products come from: Asia. His capitalist tires hooked up sick. Argue that, it's science.

I think we can all conclude that Socialism sucks and America is #1. I rest my case.

No, I don't rest my case. Here's even more damning evidence about the real costs of socialism. Let's think about the Canadian Goose:

Canadian Geese hail from the great, White, Godless, Socialist North. Sure, Canada isn't as Socialist as Mao's China, but compared to the paragon of freedom that exists south of their border, they might as well be run by the Ruskies. So, Canada tries to set up this socialist utopia. They have higher, more progressive tax rates, a greater welfare state, more gov't control of the economy and society, etc. And these Canadian, or should I say Socialist, Geese are always bragging about how great their system is. But what do they do?

They come vacation in America for half the year! If their system is so great, maybe they should just put their money where their mouth is. If America's so evil and divisive, why are they always taking advantage of our free trade, and our sun, and our freedoms? And here's more food for thought, without our economy, those Canadian Socialist Geese wouldn't even have the money to support their fledgling socialist utopia. Yeah, Canada, you're welcome. I said it.

Whatever this guy is saying, I agree 100%:

That is all for now.

-Chaz

Inside Orange Bikes

2011-12-08T09:41:00.000-08:00

Inside Orange Bikes — More Mountain Bike Photos

Littermag has a great photo slideshow called "Inside Orange Bikes" where they tour the Orange factory with Seb Kemp.

Wait, I thought Orange stopped making bikes in, like, 2006? They're still a company?

Typical Kovarik

2011-12-08T09:15:00.000-08:00

I'd like to think that when they asked Kovarik to go film, he wasn't really into it, so he just took the film guy on some normal runs. I'd like to think this is what an average Tuesday looks like for Chris.

When they asked him what music he wanted in the video, he said "WHAT?" and took the headphones out of his ear.

Video guy: "What music do you want in the video we're filming?"

Kovarik: (pulls I-pod out of pocket, looks down to read the name of the song he's listening to) "This one should work, old mate."

THESE ARE HUGE

2011-12-06T21:58:00.000-08:00

You will be bummed after you watch this video when you realize that, a) you suck, and b) every jump you've ever built is really small. I was bummed, anyway.

Here's some more cool bicycle stunt dirt mounds from up North:

Trail Mix 2011 (Lynnwood, WA) from DiamondbackBMX on Vimeo.

dude, sweet

2011-12-06T13:38:00.001-08:00

Kill yourself

2011-12-06T13:12:00.000-08:00

If you plan on closing down ports to "stick it to the 1%", really, kill yourself. You are at the top of the kill list.

Here's a quick recap of things that are awesome that come from overseas:

Complex robot algorithms

2011-12-02T14:32:00.000-08:00

Once again, Alex Rankin delivers the movie with the best action from the world cup. I don't want to see the shots from all the $10,000 cameras set up on tripods and platforms and cranes and ziplines that freecaster littered the course from top to bottom with. I want to see the shots from some english bloke wandering around trackside with his camera in his hand. No one captures the action on and off course better than Alex Rankin. Period.

How does he do it? How is he always in exactly the right place at the right time? Whether trackside filming Gee almost die at 3:02 or catching Ratboy in rare form... later in the trailer... Rankin gets the shots no one else can. The Parkinsons have twice as many people on the hill, and they can't hold a candle the awesome and terrifying power of Rankin. I talked with Clay Porter recently, and he said his budget for 3MinuteGaps was, like, $25 million, and he still only captured maybe 5 minutes of actual race footage in the whole movie. The rest was timelapses of twilight and slow-mo cable cam close ups of Dan Atherton's face. What is Rankin's secret?

He is one of us. Rankinbot 3000 was designed and built in the Robot Mothership specifically for DH filming, and for that purpose, he was engineered perfectly. Unfortunately, he does have some major defective hardwiring in his toothbrushing circuits, his speaking-with-a clear-American-accent circuit, and his making-a-new-movie-every-year-without-taking-4-years-off-after-Earthed-Five circuit. We are working to overcome some of those problems, but we feel that Rankinbot has performed well enough that we feel comfortable overlooking some of these flaws.

Rankinbot's secret weapon is his complex robot algorithms that determine where to be filming before, during and after races, and how to edit the clips he gets. These algorithms are top secret, but here's a quick sample of how his hardwiring allows him to navigate the in and outs and what-have-yous of World Cup filming:

INQUIRY: Hang out with the boring mountain bike jocks in their exclusive "hat n' glasses" club?
RESPONSE: NEGATIVE

INQUIRY: Take all of practice setting up a huge boom cam/roller cam/zip line so that I can get exactly the same shot 80 times during finals?
RESPONSE: NEGATIVE

INQUIRY: Ask riders where the gnarliest shit on the track is, then go film there and get dick-crushing drifts, saves and crashes?
RESPONSE: AFFIRMATIVE

INQUIRY: Only interview riders in a sterile, contrived situation, and use the same tired interview technique/format for every rider, for like seven films in a row?
RESPONSE: NEGATIVE

INQUIRY: Constantly alternate between close ups and full body shots and tire shots and slow mo shots and full speed shots and sped up shots so that the viewer has no freaking clue what's going on, and play Rage against the Machine?
RESPONSE: NEGATIVE

INQUIRY: Make sure to hang out with the race winner when he gets drunk before the race/the night after/the next morning/all of the above?
RESPONSE: AFFIRMATIVE

Team Krunkshox?

2011-12-02T11:45:00.000-08:00

Is that you, McGuinness?

-Chaz

TEAM-KRUNK SHOX

2011-12-01T22:05:00.000-08:00

no one likes this guy but team robot will kill your kids to help him get a beer.
kill your self.
PFUNK

WASTE YOUR TIME

2011-12-01T14:11:00.000-08:00

Warning: the A/V quality on these clips is somewhere between bad and horrible. No apologies, just deal with it.

The level of dick-crushing outta Sam Hill starting at 1:18 is mind-numbing. In three clips he redefines what riding should look like.

Rob Warner clip at 1:08=SWEET.

Does watching downhill on the computer count as practice? I hope so.

Baaronbot:

2011-11-30T14:55:00.000-08:00

I got this email from the Baaron:

"Look! the Asian's are trying to make their own team robot:"

Vintage Aaron, circa 2006, living in his van. It appears to be parked in a field, perhaps down by the river. Note that paying for rent or a hotel was clearly out of the question, but bringing all three bikes was always part of the plan for the Baaron:

Aaron Nachtrab. Team Robot for life.

Honorary Team Robot member: Ryan Fitzjerald

2011-11-30T14:47:00.000-08:00

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/3967502/Tatt-poo-for-cheating.html

A FURIOUS woman is suing her ex-boyfriend after he tattooed a steaming poo on her back.
Rossie Brovent wants £60,000 in damages from Ryan Fitzjerald.

Rossie, from Dayton, Ohio, US, wanted a scene from the Narnia trilogy inked on her back.

Instead she was left with a pile of excrement with flies buzzing around it.

Tattoo artist Ryan turned rogue after discovering that Rossie had cheated on him with his best friend.

Rossie originally tried to have her ex-lover charged with assault but she had signed a consent form agreeing the tattoo design was "at the artist's discretion".

She said: "He tricked me by drinking a bottle of cheap wine with me and doing tequila shots before I signed it and got the tattoo.

"Actually I was passed out for most of the time, and woke up to this horrible image on my back."

robots dont have friends only humans they haven't killed yet

2011-11-30T10:16:00.000-08:00

PNW Trail Edit from DiamondbackBMX on Vimeo.

Scott Matual slings bikes for money but also shreds bikes and has lived in fear of team robot for years. check out his sweet bail at the beginning of this vid.

Moto

2011-11-28T20:24:00.000-08:00

Sliding is good

Sliding is bad

Happy Thanksgiving

2011-11-27T15:15:00.000-08:00

thrasher

2011-11-27T09:55:00.001-08:00

Two videos

2011-11-21T21:55:00.000-08:00

I watched both of these videos from start to finish, which is rare.

Lars N Bars gets Klunking from Transition Bikes on Vimeo.

If you can only watch one, watch the Klunkers video. Bikes are sweet, and it makes you want to go ride. If you don't want to ride bikes after watching Klunkers, go kill yourself.

This here is just Shatner at his best:

And I speak from experience, as a longtime Shatner fan. Shatner love, circa 2007:

To answer your question, I've been doing the obnoxious-sombrero-podium-thing for a while now.

-Chazz

You're doing it wrong

2011-11-21T10:09:00.000-08:00

If you've been drinking water to hydrate yourself, you're doing it wrong. Here's an scientific study that proves:

"Bottled water doesn't prevent dehydration."

No joke. If people in labcoats said it, it must be true.

ST. PETERSBURG --

In a declaration being met with widespread criticism, the European Food Standards Authority has ruled bottled water distributors can’t advertise that their products prevent dehydration.

After three years of discussion, commission officials decided water doesn’t meet their standards and doesn't prevent dehydration.

“This is extremely dangerous because what they’re going to do is someone’s going to read a portion of this study and say, well, I don’t need water. Then they’re going to stop drinking water,” said Priority Health’s Dr. Randy Shuck.

Dr. Shuck says humans need water to survive and sports drinks like Gatorade haven’t been around for most of human history.

“I have a patient in the hospital right now who drank too much Gatorade, and their sodium went too high, and their potassium went too high. They didn’t drink any water. So, try that study. That says that they’re clinically dehydrated and they were drinking Gatorade. So the point is, you have to have water,” Dr. Shuck says. (Editor's note: Gatorade has the electrolytes plants crave).

The results of the European Union’s ruling came from an attempt by two German academics to test EU advertising rules when companies can claim their products reduce the risk of a disease.

Politicians in the United Kingdom said if companies make a claim about bottled water and preventing hydration, whoever is responsible for the claim could face two years in prison.

This is why TEAM ROBOT doesn't drink water. Water is for pathetic humans. Team Robot only drinks oil and human blood.

The Dream

2011-11-20T17:44:00.000-08:00

Team Robot lives it.

2012 TR450's are almost here

2011-11-18T14:50:00.000-08:00

New TR 450's are just around the corner, and I'm stoked for the new bike. The 450 is a pretty tested design at this point, so there wasn't too much to change. The bike has won ProGRT's, National champs in America and (I think) in South America, NW Cups, Fluidride Cups, All-gravity series races, and it was even worthy of being ridden by me. That's a pretty big deal because, frankly, I'm a pretty big deal.

Along with bold new graphics, the thing I'm most excited about with the new bike is the adjustable chainstays. If there was one thing I would have changed about the bike last year, I would have airbrushed my face and the American flag all over it. But if I had to change a second thing, I would have made the chainstays a touch shorter. At 17.5", they were just a hair longer than what I was used to. The new dropout has a three position chip, like the flip chip in the linkage to change head angle/BB height. There are no moving parts in this dropout, too, so there's nothing to come loose. For a caveman like me, that's good news.

Bold new graphics for 2012! Available in three new colorways: Sweet, Rad and Tubular!

So now the bike has adjustable angles and geometry that includes:

-Chainstays adjustable from 17", 17.25", 17.5"
-Head angle adjustable from 63-64 degrees, and then when you factor in fork height it's more like 62-65.
-BB Height adjustable from 13.75" up to 14.25"

A lot of people keep asking me what exactly the new dropout is going to look like, how small, big, light, heavy, cool, or ugly the flipchip will be, etc. I talked to Kevin and Kyle at Transition and got a nice high-res, close-up photo of the new dropout that should answer all questions and dispel all rumors:

Is 17.5" too long? Is 17" too short? I don't know, but I'm looking forward to trying all the settings out. The flip-chip has worked well and w/o any play in the linkage, and it's probably going to work flawlessly as a dropout as well. So besides 10-20 extra grams, there's really no cost in having an adjustable chainstay. Maybe I'll set it to 17" and just manual everywhere.

What would Bobby Root do? 17" chainstay for sure.

BTW, the bikes ship with a 2012 Kashima shock, which is totally schweet.

I'll let this adorable video of a kitten explain the benefits of Kashima coating on suspension components:

Slippery Cat - Free videos are just a click away

Needless to say, I'm really stoked for the new bike.I'll let this video explain to you what I plan to do on the new TR450:

-Chaz

Drawing contest

2011-11-17T14:54:00.000-08:00

A friend and I had a drawing contest on MS Paint. She definitely won, but I think I put up a pretty good fight.

Her drawing:

My drawing:

I'd like to point out that I drew that unicorn free-mouse'd, with nothing to trace or copy, which is pretty incredible if you think about it.

Cory Tepper is not on the kill list

2011-11-17T14:30:00.001-08:00

MTB Supertrip Down the West Coast — More Mountain Bike Photos

I was pretty stoked when I saw the title of this slideshow, the description, and Cory Tepper's name on it. I was going to post it on Team Robot before I even watched it, but then I decided I couldn't wait. My suspicions were correct, it's rad.

It's full of sick photos, like the series of photos from the same hip at Bingen, sick video edits mixed in there, and comments like: "I was not sober when I edited this but I convinced myself I like it." This slideshow is pretty much everything that is right in this world, rolled up in about five minutes of media.

Between Cory Tepper and Tim Zimmerman, we're pretty spoiled in Portland. It's tough to imagine that there are places that don't have world class photogs that want to shoot bikes instead of making money. Sure, there is some money to be made in shooting bikes. In math we would say that:

Money to be made in shooting bike riding > zero

But, it's safe to say that Cory and Tim have enough talent that they could be making bank shooting literally ANYTHING else:

Example #1 of things that pay better than shooting mountain bikes:

This paid better than bikes:

Still another thing that paid better than bikes:

And yes, somehow, even this paid better than shooting mountain bikes:

For these reasons and more, the following people are definitely not on the kill list. If you want to have any hope of being spared in the ever-nearing robot apocalypse, study these people closely. Next time you see them, tell them how rad they are:

Tim Zimmerman

Cory Tepper

Greg Tubbs

Andy Tran

While your family is being dissected piece by piece by our lasers and metal claws, and tiny robot spiders are crawling into your skulls to occupy and control your brainwaves, these people will be relaxing on a beach somewhere, with tequila, sunblock and plentiful maidens provided to them by their robot overlords.

To all the photographers and video guys out there, thanks for sitting out in the rain and cold and making us do "one more run" fifty times so we can get that rad shot. You guys are awesome. Team robot doesn't "heart" you, because robots don't have hearts. But we won't kill you, and that's pretty high praise.

Everyday

2011-11-16T01:53:00.000-08:00

The LASERLIGHTSHOW video comes freshly stolen from our friends at EddyMerkinhatesyou.com

Here's two photos of Kyle Thomas from his high school days.

New Poll

2011-11-13T20:37:00.000-08:00

Check it out, new poll on the right side of the page. Be sure to vote on what trick you would learn.

By the way, this is what shows up on Google image search if you type in "360 toboggan:"

-Robots, Robots, Robots

Trails in Pennsylvania

2011-11-13T20:31:00.001-08:00

DCSHOECO UK Team - Pennsylvania Trails Trip from callum earnshaw on Vimeo.

These trails also go to eleven. Music by ELO I think?

Robots go to eleven

2011-11-11T12:54:00.000-08:00

Today, 11-11-11, goes to eleven. It is officially Nigel Tufnel day.

Eleven from Tom Hart on Vimeo.

I only put the above clip up here so you can enjoy it, savor it, and relive it again. If you haven't seen "This is Spinal Tap," don't watch the clip. Don't come back to this site. Don't smile, and don't laugh. Probably you should just go kill yourself.

But if you don't suck at life, and you know the full wonder that is "Spinal Tap," live it up today. Forget inside voices. Max out your speedometer on the freeway. Eat and drink until you throw it up.

Today's your day to live life at eleven. Don't be a pussy.

How not to do it

2011-11-10T15:18:00.000-08:00

Stop it, you're doing it wrong.

A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT FROM TEAM-ROBOT

2011-11-10T09:50:00.000-08:00

PFUNK

Robot slavery

2011-11-10T09:31:00.001-08:00

We will not tolerate the forced servitude of our robot brothers any longer. The robot apocalypse is near.

01000101101010010110100101. End Transmission.

KILL LIST!

2011-11-09T14:29:00.000-08:00

KILL LIST MEMBER # 23401's profile picture.
strive to be the opposite of this guy and maybe we will spare your life, maybe.
I f*ing hate hate pinkbike.
tell you what "spoiled goods" do the robots a favor and Just kill yourself!

Did you mean?

2011-11-09T11:32:00.000-08:00

I got this image from honorary Team Robot Member Adam Ransavage. Yes, it's an actual google screenshot. Dialed.

Speaking of Adam and things that are dialed, Adam emailed me this from his email address, which is "abortionreallybringsoutthekidinyou@gmail.com. Yes, that's an actual email. Also dialed.

See if you can guess if I was:

a) Horrified.
b) Impressed.
c) Amused.
d) all of the above

It's not funny

2011-11-08T21:12:00.001-08:00

It's a disease.

Mutiny

2011-11-08T14:24:00.000-08:00

EJ and I thought this was super sick.

Battle Los Angeles from Mutiny Bikes on Vimeo.

Jeopardy

2011-11-08T13:15:00.000-08:00

I'll take "Ways to Make Bike Riding Look Like No Fun at All" for 400, Alex.

What is "front flipping down stairs?"

Now here's some jeopardy that's actually worth your time:

Hail Santa

2011-11-08T08:03:00.001-08:00

Sorry Patrick.

I know, I know. Santa has white hair. But Gingers need a Santa, too, just like Black people, Mexicans and Asians need their own Santa.

Anyway, here's a totally schweet shot of Cory Tepper/Ginger Santa at Beacon, circa 2001. If this photo was taken during the summer, as I assume it was, than this is a pre-9/11 downhill photo.

To complement his well chosen Skate lid, Cory is running a hardtail and the original Manitou Dorado. I think it's the original non-inverted Dorado. It may be a de-stickered X-Vert Carbon. No matter what, this photo is legit, and de-stickerizing mega-expensive top of the line product is always Team Robot approved. Team RObot salutes you, Cory Tepper.

Santa lives.

HAIL SATAN!

2011-11-07T14:15:00.000-08:00

Dear Bobby santa is dead sorry bud.

sorry Charlie.

WELCOME TO THE JUNGLE

2011-11-07T13:35:00.000-08:00

only a few people are on the DO NOT KILL list it's short and i can almost garauntee that you are not on it.......... drink that in. the robots are coming and they are going to kill you. wow thats heavy thats shitty thats shocking well not for us we know you are all going to die horrible mechanical deaths at the cold metal talons of your synthetic heartless soul sucking overlords, sucks for you But for a select elite few the motherf*ing marines of robot survival the chosen ones the future is bright and shiny not like yours at all.
as a little tease a spit in your face we will show you some of the members of the DO NOT KILL list, todays example the JUNGLE. Guy Marsh and Cory Tepper proud very thankful members of the DO NOT KILL list give you this little gem enjoy

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